They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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