you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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