They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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