I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
