Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Randomize
