any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
