yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
