so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I got inside last night via doggy door
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
