420 ftw
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize