Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
