Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
