Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
