Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize