I accidentally had phone sex last night
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
