Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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