That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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