i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
FUCK WHALES
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
