fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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