btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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