On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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