I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
