screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
