he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
