Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
