My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
