im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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