We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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