There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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