yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
