i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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