I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
