i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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