I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Randomize
