porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
