apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
