Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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