Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
