So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
