I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
