I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
