soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Randomize
