FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
