he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Randomize
