Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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