that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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