I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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