Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize