He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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