I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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