the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
