I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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