I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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