The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
