Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
