Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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