We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
pray to the hookup gods
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
