Can i not drive my cunt home
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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