What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
