I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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