I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
