But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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