I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
