bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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