I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I think we might need a safe word for this...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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